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Myself...

So I thought about it. Posting to not offend or worry what other think. I also thought about looking at past entries. However, I decided not to do it. I mean I make and have this for me l, if someone doesn't like something I am not forcing you to read. Also why read part entries that is the past and I plan to keep it there.

So I write for me for today. I might sound selfish and self centered but all day I work under my dad and hubs keeping and working for their happiness. Then I go home and give my all to the kids, followed by the house after they are in bed, and if I am lucky in a plus I still have energy I give to myself. Always last, so this where o can keep worries, fears, goals, and talk myself through shit on the 5 minutes I find here or there to do it.

So this is to an amazing year of starting my thirty's. I hope to be closer to being out of debt while still being tanning, skinner, and prettier than before. With that said today's eating horrible. I did spend my lunch break tanning, and whiting my teeth. I don't mind it do to the fact that I get to almost meditate while doing it. Meditation is something I hope to work towards too.

So much I want to work for, I will get there step by step and maybe some  moments (positive or negative ) to get there. So in here entries might be long of simple. But hey I do it all for me.:)

Tonight I plan to track my weight and messurements. Plus maybe track my calorie intake. We will see though.

New me new time...

Well, well....what can I say. I am ready to work on me being a better me. I am thinking of cutting some major calories and upping the work out. Just food for though....I am tired and have no energy to think or stay  up. Night!

Hopping down the bunny trail...

Well this past week has been good but interesting week. On Monday, of pass Mike called me on the way to the ER. He had been ran over by a car. I met him down there and thank god everything was ok. He did hurt his back but no broken bones or internal bleeding. It made me realize how much I love him and how I wont know what to do without him. He also had a few realizations as well. He quiet smoking that night and we are now going on a week without smoking, also he said he needed to treat me better. Which caught me off guard. But he has definitely showed it and surprisingly it makes me try harder too. We have been eating out less, doing more for each other and our kids. With this in place more has been getting done around the house and it has been amazing.

I am a bit sad though because I can see he isn't always happy. I wish he was. I know he wants to do some much more around the house on his stuff but due to his back he can't and he is itching with boredism. I just wish that he is able to get in and hopefully get released so that he can get back to what he loves. Our sex life on the other hand has been on high. Also the weight loss is going good. I jumped on at 197.2 Which is good being of the week at 202.0 Well last week I guess I should say. My scale keeps track for up to 6 days and that is what I am down. Not to shabby. I hope that I can stick with it. Just like I hope that Mike can stick with the not smoking.

Other than that school, work, everything is good. I am on track with most stuff. I just need to get some homework done and also get valentine day decorating done. So I guess I should get off here. Finish the house and maybe get some homework done before school. Until the next time. Hope it is as wonderful then.

Niki:)

Lost

Right now I just want to say WTF ever. I feel so overwhelmed in life and that I am not doing the best for me. In some areas I am and in others I am not. I can't seem to balance everything and in return I just want to give up and quiet on everything. I know that is not the right way to go about things. I need to get myself put together and figure everything out. I keep telling myself that once this quarter is over it will be easy. But I still have to wait two more months for that to happen and honestly. I don't think my family can hold on that long. Nor do I want to do that to them. I have my schedule and when everything is done right it works great. But it isn't always done right.

Plus my weight loss has totally gone out the window. I am not thinking of healthy food, not working out, really I don't have the me time I need to be doing all of this. Here lately, I am excited when I have one less kid to pick up because it means I have a little more me time. How sad it that and what a horrible mom that makes me. I mean I don't enjoy them being sick and missing school. I just enjoy the not having to run around and pick them up.

What I feel I need to do is still be more organized, but I really don't know in what area or how. I feel everything is in order in the house (when clean) the cupboards, draws, and even the clothing has been gone through straightened up and organized. Same with my paper work. It is organized and all the bills are paid. So I don't know why I feel so crazy still. I need to figure this out though.

I know food wise I still need to work on that but I do think that I am getting better. Going to sit with the hubby tonight and make a meal plan we can stick to. I keep trying but he hasn't been that helpful. But it takes too, so I guess I am not ding my part either. Good seems to be going well and work had a rough spot but no it is good. Lexi is about half way through her basketball season and tomorrow is the start of cookie sale for girl scouts. The younger two are loving youth group and I think that Mikey might be doing soccor this year. We will see. Mikey and Lexi got straight A's on their report cards. So I know they are doing well in school. Shelbie is doing ok. They say she is right on for now. I hope that she starts to come around on her letters. I am impressed with her numbers, colors, and shapes. So that is good. Need to keep working on all of them though. I will slow down this summer too (well hopefully) and I will work with her.

I think part of it she just doesn't like doing it with me. :S But that is what this summer is going to change. I would like for her to start kindergarten this fall. She would be in the same grade as George and then I wouldn't have to worry about her and Cassie being in the same grade. I think Mikey and Damein are ok because they are boys but girls are just so much meaning than boys and to keep them some what separate would be good.

Well I need to get back to my crazy life and try and get the house some what cleaned up and me put together plus do some studying for school. Here is to another day in the life of Niki. LOL

Did it again today...

I kicked it up and got my work out on today only to eat a ton more than I should have.:( I need to quiet doing this to myself I have the food her to grab something healthy but I don't and I even go to the store to get unhealthy stuff. So it doesn't seem to effect me whether I have it in the house or not. I just have to get going I guess and not give up.

One step at a time and I will not give up on myself. Other than that school is starting to go better I need to get caught up but I think I will do ok this quarter now that I am working on things I feel myself getting closer to just be done and I am so happy with that. If I don't do well this quarter in A&P I might just not go in the spring and just take them all over again in the summer. I will see though. Plus I should have a better feeling if I will make it into the program or not.

Well I got to finish up and get ready for bed.

My own worst enemy.

Here lately the only thing that seems to mess me up is me. :( I get the work out done and not the food or I do the food and not the work out. I just can't seem to get the two together. I did go and get some new tennis shoes today, so hopefully when I work out tomorrow it will not hurt my feet as bad. I also got a yoga DVD I feel I just do the same thing over and over which in a way I am still doing that but I now feel better about it like I am not slacking off. Although I don't know if I really was he other way either.

I did get some more teeth whitening too. I have been doing good on that. :) I love the way they are starting to look. Maybe if I work one thing at a time instead of trying to do them all at once it will turn out better. But that doesn't mean I am going to give up on the other stuff it just means that I am me and I have my own way of doing things and getting to them.

Like my school work, I still need to do it and get it done but here I am working on this. Today would have been a prefect day to do it. No school or work to mess things up and do I do it? Nope I sit and watch TV all day. I do have to get my butt in gear though because I have a ton of stuff due Friday and then another batch on Sun. And I hope to get a good grade but the effort I am putting in right now is minimum so I am not started in a good direction. For whatever reason, I just feel tired and slow today. I think now I am going to go and watch another movie and go to bed. Hopefully tomorrow I get things figured out and get myself up and motivated.

Motivation....

What is that? LOL. I wish I had some. I am getting better at doing things one handed. LOL. I wish I could get everything all straightened out. I need to do my A&P 232 and getting some mud. But I think I will get most of that done tonight. Hopefully, I don't get so side track. I need to get some cleaning done, the kids mess, the floors laundry, and the wax Shelbie spilt. OH, and today my phone broke. :( it is sad. Well my hand is getting tired off to do something.

Another day.

Today not as bad. I was dreading class and it was better than I thought and now I am ready for Mon. I will see how lab goes on Wens. I am feeling better about both now and I just need to make sure that I get my work done. Mike has been good with cleaning and I have been lazy. :S Wish I wasn't so. I am hoping though that since I am not doing school work late that maybe we can get a few things finish today and then tomorrow I can work on a little cleaning and homework tomorrow. I am doing good on a my goals kind of. The soda I did have a drink today and no soda sun :( As for exersice I still need to work on that. I am hoping that I am able to get that in check. I know eating calorie wise I am in my limit so that is good.

Well I suppose I am get some laundry folded and see what else I can get done tonight and keep aiming for my goals for the new years. Oh, and I did finish my other book yesterday now I will wait for the last one around spring break.

Umm...no

Today didn't go any way I wanted it too and I still don't think tomorrow will either I am having the hardest time getting up and I still don't think tomorrow is going to go anywhere. I just have to get up so early and it is so hard I have homework today tomorrow but I didn't finish my second book today. Plus now I am watching NCIS and that means tomorrow there is nothing that should side track me or I am sure that I will find. :) LOL. Well it is a short one today. I am going to do some show watching and then off today bed. I did do my third day of whitening in four short days my teeth should look amazing.

Fail....

Well last night I made a schedule showed it to Mike. He thought it looked good and today was going to be the big day that I started it....Well it didn't happen. :( I still feel like I am being to just start something but I am going to have to learn to try or this is never going to work. I did just on the scale this morning and I am at 199.4 No bad 5.6lbs since the New Year is what I have lost. I am going to keep going. I told myself that I want to see the scale moving down everyday because of the fact there is a tenths place. I don't think that is a bad idea since you can lose 2lbs per week and right now I am up there is weight so I should be losing it .

I woke up this morning and got my kids ready. Lexi came in with an envelope and inside was a homemade card and bracelet. Oh....that reminds me I need to talk to April about fixing Autumn bracelet. I got to remember to do that as well as make a few other calls. Financial I can NOT wait for this month to be over already and it just started. It is going to be a tough one but if we can make it we should be ok. We are going to try and pay off as much as we can with taxes this year. I am hoping it is a lot plus we realized today only 2 more years and our car will be paid off. That was a nice though. I also told Mike once it is paid off I don't want to go out and go buying a new one anytime soon. I hope that is how it works out too. Besides if it all works out right in two years everything should be paid off and I will be getting ready to graduate which means that we will have everything paid off to start paying of loans. LOL.

Well I going to go check out my facebook and then hopefully get a chapter read in my book before it is time to go and pick up the kids and get the rest of the day going.

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